Marriage and the Parsha

Mishpatim
(Exodus 21:1 - 24:18)
Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz
In this week's portion, the Torah continues the Giving of the Torah with a comprehensive treatise on many laws, especially those involving between a man and his friend.

From the Jewish perspective, the institution of marriage is considered a holy union. Indeed, the act of betrothal is known as Kiddushin - a word whose root comes from Kedushah, holiness. It is through this union that that man and the women becomes a whole and are able to reach spiritual heights. One of the obvious reasons would appear to be that it ensures the continuity of the Jewish nation. There are many Mitzvot that can be accomplished in the marital setting (aside from giving the grandparents nachas by producing grandchildren).

Hashem's connection to the Jewish people is likened to a marriage. Tashbetz (Rabbeinu Shimshon Bar Tzadok a Talmid of Maharam of Rottenberg) writes that many of the customs that surround the marriage ceremony are micro enactments of the giving of the Torah. The Ketubah represents the Tablets upon which the Ten Commandments were written. Hashem's name is mentioned fourteen times in the Sheva Berachot, just as His name is mentioned fourteen times in the Ten Commandments. The Midrash tells us that Hashem lifted mount Sinai above the Jew's heads letting them know that if they did not accept the Torah they would be buried there this too has its counterpart in the wedding Chupah.

There are also the more mundane aspects of marriage. Earning a living, keeping a house clean and in good repair, cooking supper the list goes on and on. How does this fit in with the concept of Kedushah, holiness?

A similar question may be asked of a commentary on this week's parsha. Rashi tells us in the beginning of the parsha (21:1) that the juxtaposition of the portion about the Mizbayach (altar), from last week's parsha, to the portion about monetary laws, in this week's, teaches us that the Sanhedrin, (the highest Jewish court) which was comprised of seventy sages, is to be situated in the Beit Hamikdash (the Holy Temple). The laws mentioned in our parsha include when one mans ox falls into another man's pit and in damaged. What is a court of law, that decides even cases having to do with such seemingly mundane issues, doing located in the holiness site on Earth?

Rabbi Nissan Wolpin in his book Limudai Nissan points out that this arrangement teaches us that all of Hashem's laws are Holy. Even the most mundane of laws are all part of Hashem's Torah. All aspects of marriage are holy. Even taking out the garbage on your way out the door or cleaning the bathroom.

Our Bracha to our Chotton and Kallah is that they see the Kedusha wherever they turn. 

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Yisro
(Exodus 18:1-20:23)
Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz
In last week's portion, the Jews leave the Egyptian bondage and are miraculously saved from the Egyptian pursuit. In the meantime, the Al-mighty allows the waters of the Yam Sof (Red Sea) to crash down on their pursuers. The climax of this page in history is reached in this week's parsha. The giving of the Ten Commandments at Sinai is the event that supercedes all others.  The Torah is represented by the Ten Commandments.

Hashem Himself conveys the first two commandments. The other eight were related to Hashem's emissary - Moshe Rabbeinu and then repeated to the Jewish people. The Talmud (tractate Berachos 12A) tells us that the Ten Commandments were read daily along with the Kriat Shema (recitation of Shema). This custom was stopped on account of the Sadducies, who applied very literal understanding to Torah. The Rabbis did not want people to think that they are obligated in keeping only the commandments mentioned in the Ten Commandments.

Nonetheless, we are told that all of the Torah is contained within the Ten Commandments albeit in hidden form. It was for this reason the custom was established in the first place. Why was it necessary to encapsulate the entire Torah in these few words?

When Hashem spoke to us, it forged that special relationship which already existed between the Al-mighty and our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov.  Rabbi Nissan Alpert explains that we are being taught a very important lesson about that relationship. The Torah is a single unit and our relationship with Hashem is only possible when we accept the Torah in its entirety. Observing the "fun" Mitzvot of Pesach and Succah, without the obligations of the don'ts of Shabbat, difficulties of keeping the Sabbatical, etc. is not an option.

Hashem's special bond to His chosen people is often likened to the bond between Choson and Kallah. The Luchot (the tablets) and the Ten Commandments which were engraved on them are the Ketubah (marriage contract). Marriage has many "fun" parts, but, it includes as well some mundane and some drudgery. It is a package deal. The commitment is through thick and thin.

It is our Bracha to you, our Choson and Kallah, that you preserve the optimism and excitement of your wedding to carry you through the boring times and refuel it during the many joyous times together.

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Beshalach
(Exodus 13:17-17:16)

(For the Chosen)
Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz
In this week's portion, the Jews are redeemed from Egyptian bondage in a mighty show of ten Makkos (Plagues). They leave at the insistence of Pharoah and his Egyptian cohorts only to be chased nearly into the Yam Suf (the Red Sea). A great miracle occurs and the sea splits and allows them to enter. The Mitzrim continue in hot pursuit only to be miraculously drowned as the sea wall, which had been created only moments earlier, crashes down upon them. In next week's portion, the Jews receive the Torah in a most spectacular way - able to see the sounds that emanate from Mount Sinai.

In subsequent portions, the Jewish People are saved many times in their forty-year sojourn from their enemies. Notably, it is not their military mighty that wins any
wars, but divine intervention. They have food, in the form of Mann (manna), that appears at their doorstep every day.

We are commanded to remember the Exodus every day. The Exodus is mentioned in the Shema prayer we say every morning and every night. There are many events of that era that are commemorated or celebrated in one way or another. Still, this is the only event for which the Jews were commanded to make a constant reminder that is to remain with them twenty-four-seven. This is because this first event was the catalyst for all the subsequent events.

Similarly, the Torah tells us (16:33) that Moshe and Aharon are commanded to take a container and place Mann in the container. This container is to remain "In front of Hashem" (in front of the Ark of the Covenant) forever. Indeed, the container remains with them until the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash (the Holy Temple) at which time it is placed in indefinite hiding along with many of the holy vessels.

Why is this miracle chosen to be represented with a constant reminder? The Iben Ezra, I believe, gives us an insight into the answer. When the Torah tells us about the miracle of the Mann (16:35), he explains that this is the greatest of all the miracles of the forty years the Jews spent in the wilderness because many miracles were contained in it and because it stood by them for forty years. It is this second reason that distinguishes it from all the miracles of the entire era.

There are many events in a person's life which all come together to make him who he or she is. There are many people who are responsible in part for bringing about the miracle of finding a Shidduch (a match). All of these people deserve to be recognized and thanked. There are people who while they may not have done any single remarkable act in the formation of this Shidduch, they are nonetheless the ones who deserve the most
recognition and the greatest thanks. They are the ones that took care of me day in and day out every single day.

Thank you very much Daddy and Mommy!

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Bo
(Exodus 10:1-13:16)
Rabbi Yirmiyahu BenyowitzThis week’s portion begins with Hashem issuing a warning to Pharaoh, through His messenger Moshe (Moses). The message is that He is about to bring the eighth of the ten Plagues upon his nation. Before elaborating on the detail of the forthcoming event, though, the Torah takes a tangent and gives us an introduction as to the reason and the meaning behind the Plagues. We are told (10:1) that Pharaoh's heart has been hardened "in order for Me to bring these Plagues upon him." Furthermore, the Torah continues (10:2), "I have enabled these plagues to be brought upon Pharaoh in order for you to tell your children and grandchildren how I ‘played’ with Mitzraim (Egypt) and that you can tell about My wonders that I have [afflicted] them with."

What is the significance of telling your children? It appears that without whom to tell the story of Hashem's glory Mitzraim's punishment would not have come about in such a way.

How are we to understand the significance of telling the Pesach story to our children?

The answer lies in the Mitzvah of Sipur Itzias Mitzraim (the commandment to recount the story of the Exodus). We are told in the Hagadah that there are four sons, the wise son, the wicked son, the simple son and the son who cannot ask. Each son had a different question, except the last, of course. We are instructed to teach each son a different lesson. The wicked son is not interested in the Mitzvot; he sees no use in the continuity of the tradition and therefore asks "What are all of these testimonies and laws to you?" The Hagadah tells us that had he been present in Mitzraim, he would not have merited redemption.

The transmittal of the story of the Exodus is an essential part in why we merited redemption. When we tell the story to our children, we create another link in a chain that stretches back to our forefathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and we create another link to the Al-mighty Himself.

Every link magnifies the Glory of Hashem and carries with it the responsibility of continuity.

Our charge to our Choson and Kallah is to understand the potential they share as they begin this lifelong commitment together. They can add another link to this glorious chain. Thus, they must stand ready to pass on our tradition to the next generation. It our bracha to every Choson and Kallah that they rise to the challenge.

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Vayerah
(Genesis 18:1-22:24)
Rabbi Y. Benyowitz


 
This week’s portion begins with Avrohom Avinu (Abraham) sitting by the entrance to his tent. Three visitors appear and he quickly runs to performs Hachnasas Orchim (hospitality) by getting them food and water. In reality, Hashem is providing Avrohom with the opportunity to do Hachnasas Orchim and the visitors are angels in disguise.

The angels, though, have other purposeful missions with their visit. The Talmud (Baba Metziah 88B) tells us that they came to tell Sarah that she will be having a child, to turn over the wicked city of Sodom, and to heal Avrohom from the circumcision. Rashi (18:2) points out, (from the Midrash and mentioned in Tosafot Baba Metziah ibid) that it is for this reason three angels were sent since an angel cannot perform two tasks.

Rashi addresses the issue of one more job that was completed, saving Lot. Avrohom Avinu’s nephew Lot had to be evacuated from the city of Sodom before it is overturned. Rashi explains that this was performed by the same angel who healed Avrohom; both jobs, saving and healing, are in essence the same type of job. The Talmud itself appears to answer this question differently by saying that the angel who notified Sarah that she will be having a child is the one who was dispatched to save Lot.

Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetzky in his book Emes L’Yaakov explains that the Talmud is also of the opinion that when the jobs are similar they can be performed by the same angel. Saving Lot was directly related to saving the Jewish Nation since Ruth, the mother of the Davidic Dynasty, was to ultimately come from his progeny. Telling Sarah that she will have a baby also pertains to the continuity of the Jewish Nation. This is so even though we are only speaking about notifying her about the child which she will bear.

The announcement that the Choton and Kallah (Groom and Bride) are engaged carries with it all of the potential of all their future generations. This potential is even more poignant in the wedding ceremony itself.

Our Choton and Kallah are charged with the awesome responsibility to realize all of that hidden potential, not only for themselves and their families, but also for all of the Jewish Nation.

Copyright 2000 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Shemot
(Exodus 1:1-6:1)

Rabbi Y. Benyowitz
(For the groom or bride)

This week’s portion begins a new chapter in Jewish History. This week, too, we begin a new chapter in the lives of our Choson and Kallah. The Jews are about to begin a difficult era as their status in Egypt falls, culminating in the exodus from Egyptian slavery to receiving the Torah on Mount Sinai.

Our parsha begins by taking stock of who came to Egypt. We are told (Exodus 1:1-5)"And these are the name of the children of Israel-all the souls born to Yaakov were seventy souls and Yosef was in Egypt." The Torah had already enumerated (Genesis 47) the seventy souls and included Yosef and his two sons in that count. Why repeat that fact? Indeed, Rashi comments on the need to tell us that Yosef was already in Egypt. He does not comment on the need to tell us who came to Egypt.

The answer lies in our introduction of this time in Jewish history. Whenever a person begins a new epoch and that period will introduce new challenges, that person could use a boost of strength. In many instances, that boost of strength comes in the form of mentioning our forebearers. When we remember where we came from and how we reached this point, it makes the rest of the journey easier. The Torah tells us that Yosef was already in Egypt. Rashi explains that we are being taught that Yosef was in Egypt and nevertheless remained righteous. "He is Yosef who was in Egypt and was able to be successful reaching the status of second to the king."

At this crossroads, as we embark upon a new faze in life it becomes all the more important to look back to our parents and teachers and thank them for bring us thus far. It is equally important to recognize their being the role models to look up to in the past and to draw strength from in the future as well.

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Vayechey

Genesis 47:28-50:26)

Rabbi Y. Benyowitz

(For the Groom or Bride)

Our weekly portion begins with the details of Yaakov Avinu’s (Jacob) last days. He blesses each of his sons before he dies and attempts to forewarn his children of the trials and tribulations that they and their descendants will encounter.

There is one very unusual aspect to the beginning of the parsha that differentiates it from other portions. Our parsha begins with no break (a visual pause in the torah scroll) separating it from the previous parsha. Generally, in a hand written scroll of the Torah there is either a break at the end of a parsha of at least nine letters length of space or the entire remainder of the line is left intentionally blank. This is indicated in many Chumashim by the letter Peh or the letter Samech (in some printed Chumashim, this break is indicated by three Pehs or three Samechs in a row) placed after the last period in the parsha. This is the only exception.

Rashi tells us that our parsha is closed indicating that the eyes and hearts of Israel became closed and unable to understand what awaits them in the days of Messiah from the hardship of the exile that they had begun to force them into slavery. This is understood to mean that it was as if Yaakov Avinu had died already and his death singles the beginning of the exile's harshness.

Many of the commentaries comment that the actual labor of the Egyptian exile did not begin until the death of all of the brothers.

The Chasam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Sofer) explains that there are two ways to view the Torah. One can think of Torah in the sense of a yoke and a burden and one can view Torah as the ultimate in joy for the opportunity to fulfill Hashem's commandments. The Mitzvot are the conduit through which one may gain a closer relationship with the Al-mighty.

When one sees the Torah as a burden, then the person feels enslaved by the Torah. When Yaakov Avinu died the Jews no longer felt as close to Hashem and as such they began to feel as if their responsibilities as Jews were enslaving them. This was even before the Torah and all of its six hundred and thirteen Mitzvot were given to them. When their father (and grandfather) was still with them, the Jewish People did not have this feeling. In this sense, the Galut started when Yaakov Avinu died even though they did not begin physical servitude until much later.

Every Simcha is enhanced by the participation of parents. Still, it is at this juncture that we must take stock and publicly thank our parents and acknowledge that their contribution to our Simcha is priceless. It is in their shadow that our marriage can get off to the start that it needs and not appear has a burden. It is our prayer that they should continue to reap much nachas from us and all of our siblings.

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com

Marriage and the Parsha

Vayechey
Rabbi Y. Benyowitz
(Genesis 47:28-50:26)

One of the most memorable parts of this week's portion is Yaakov Avinu's (Jacob) blessing to his sons. In his remarks to each child, he details the essence of each of the Tribes of Israel, thus cajoling them to reach their individual potential. Each Tribe has a mission to fulfill within the framework of building the Jewish nation and enhancing and maintaining their relationship with the Al-mighty.

Our link to our Creator is through the Torah that He has given us. The proper maintenance of that link is preserved by the study of Torah. Issachar is the Tribe assigned the mission of teaching Torah. Yaakov Avinu likens him to a donkey capable of carrying a heavy load. Still, in describing the modus operandi to performing Issachar’s duties, Yaakov’s imagery appears a little unusual. His father tells him (49:15) "And he shall see that rest is good, and the land that it is pleasant and tilt his shoulder to carry the burden."

Rabbi Yechezkel Levenstein in his book Yad Yechezkel (printed 1990 by his students from transcribed speeches posthumously) explains that Yaakov Avinu was actually giving advice as to how to shoulder the burden of studying Torah. "He shall see that rest is good, and that the land is pleasant" means that he should think about the future to the time of ultimate rest and reward for our deeds in this world. With this in mind, he will be able to shoulder the task.

Marriage is a relationship between to people. It is often compared to the relationship between Hashem and His Nation. Though at times maintaining the marriage relationship can be difficult, its rewards are immense. A good marriage brings great satisfaction and joy in this world and immeasurable reward for building an exemplary Jewish home in the next world.

So, how should a couple approach this monumental task? With a recognition and appreciation of how well it can pay off. It is our blessing to every new Choson and Kallah that be worthy of the task and merit to reap in its great reward.

Copyright 2001 Rabbi Yirmiyahu Benyowitz and MyJewishWedding.com